Pensive...

I decided to switch my outlook. teehee. You know. All my life i’ve had atleast two horribly pessimistic friends to whom i served as their optimistic source of advice. So its rather hyproctical of me to continue this blog on such a dark note. Having you wait for my next piece on why my life, according to me is doomed to failure.

Its not, as long as it is in God’s hands. Amen!!

Onto a more familiar topic for many of you. Relationships. Loyalty. Infidelity. oh you name it!

I wrote these free verses today thinking about infidelity and/or the possibilty of its occurrence.

What do you do when what you fear is visible from a distance?
What do you do once you seen that the required factors for its occurrence are present and more obvious than you fear they would be?
How do you stop it before it comes to tear you apart, and break your heart not in two but into numerous pieces? Irreversible damage.
The last safe place you thought you had found. The last chance you gave your heart to embrace yet another.  It crawls with the scum of infidelity and lies. Mixed emotion scattered in more places than you dreaded to know.
A simple unsuspecting inquiry led to misery and instability in your own place Of stability, familiarity and comfort.
Is all lost? Or can I fight for it? Can I pull more than weight to tip the scale of the inevitable? Can I make you Love me? Truly? Solely? Exclusively?

Well first of all, as i get older, ive decided to trust God with my relationship choices and with how the run their courses. If i leave it up to myself to analyse and save/or in some cases search and destroy, colatteral damage would result. SO  i try to pray.

But what would you do?

especially if you had evidence and gave him a chance to ell you, and he lied over and over again. With disgusting confindence/arrogance.

We are constantly faced with complex, multi-faceted problems that have too many more than two outcomes. Its neer simple. However, when something can eat you up inside, deal with it before it gets under your skin. Before it changes who you are. Before it wrecks you. When you know you have pulled your wieght and you;ve been the best significant other you can be, you have done your best. It is no more your loss. It’s theirs.

Why isn’t there a formula for success in any and every field imaginable? Why are the scientific paths to success straight and the artistic ones crooked and saturated with the most obstacles?

Should i look back at my past and fill my mind with regrets or continue to push this impossible wall, built by my past and present circumstances, hoping to reach my goal once it topples?

Your first answer would be ‘Yes! duh. Of Course.” but how? I was born in New York and spent my first nine years playing soccer and basket ball and dancing occasionally with my brother. No dance classes of any kind. I joined the Roosevelt island kinder kickers and continued on other teams as i grew older. At nine, i moved to Ghana. I started dancing with my friends and performing for talent shows. Tell me why, at form 2 i didn’t realise my passion for dance?

I moved to boarding school, and became the lead choreographer for my hostel group. A group that hadn’t won our annual dance competition for years. For the two years i attended and choreographed, my hostel group won first place. In that time, i had grown, not only  as a person, but as a creator of movement; as a dancer. My passion for this art form had surpassed all my other interests. My time in class passed by in black and white. The vibrant colors were confined to the walls of my brain where dance moves and entrancing rhythms thrived; and for that matter kept me awake, alive, and sane. in math class, differentiation on the board blurred as the images of organic shapes formed by dancer’s bodies became sharper.

Dance Blur

The words blur
And the cadences take
Over my mental space
Flowing through my virtual
Body sending pulsing ripples
Through my limbs
On point
On beat
On the floor
Twist turn let the cool pour
Into my movement as I
Pop and jerk and roll
My curves in a trance
From side to side
Can I do my work?
Cant I just dance?
Please?
Can I focus?
On something?
Can the letters and numbers
Come back into focus? Can
The dance blur go away
My impediment to written
Progress
But my release from
Mental stress
Lord has blessed me with you
You are a gift to me which I
Bear and display to many in the glory of His name
But at the same time you shield me
And set me apart from the rest
In which I am and strive
To be the best
But dear dance blur, I have
A paper now, ‘real’ words now
Phrases later.

In college now, my life is full of dance. Three campus dance troupes, and various dance classes take the form of my breaks from ‘real’ subjects like sociology, french, biology,and psychology. The only reason i can wake up early and go to those classes is because i know i can go to dance later. The reason i pull ‘all-nighters’ is because it helps me balance and split myself in between all my dance rehearsals and personal dance practices i hold with myself in the privacy and confines of my personal space.

…to be continued…